I asked Leo to stop by real quick at my house yesterday. I didn’t make any real excuses, I told him I would love to see him. So he said yes…
He came, we were just cuddling on the couch and asked how we’re doing and stuff. We know we are over, but we still cuddle.. I even told him about Kris that I’ve been seeing Kris but he doesn’t touch me once except for cousins hug when we meet up or when we are done for a date. Leo didn’t say much about my new date..
We still like to cuddle each other. When he holds me in his arms, I feel like coming home. His strong arms just wrapped around me, I snuggled on his chest, I took a deep breath and smell his cologne as much as I could. Love his smell, so manly man. I put up my legs and he just rubbed my legs and feet. He kissed my lips, I didn’t react.. i can’t, I don’t know what to feel. We are cuddling so much but we know we can’t go further than that. It hurts but it is worth it to get hugged like this.
I told him I was fall in love. I made sure I said “was” because I had to stop this feeling to grow deeper (or am I on denial?). He looked at me and didn’t say anything… He said he thinks he is not a right guy for me (cliche?). I said, “I think so too, that we are not meant to be together”. I just want him to tell me if he finds someone else or something… instead he said that a couple that share vulnerability moments together would grow something .. love…
Then it hit me, yes we do agreed we were just going to be friends with benefits. But we’ve been so passionate and care about each other and we’ve shared our deepest dreams or frustrations, apparently it is growing deeper and we realized it. He said that we had to break up because if we keep going and knowing we can’t be together it would just get harder to break up.
I was speechless, we looked into our each other’s eyes for a long time, no words.. Then he kissed my forehead and asked to leave. I opened the door for him and gave him a big nice long hug. I kissed his neck many times, look at into his eyes..
"I gotta go Naomi.."
“I don’t want you to go…” I told him.
He smiled, kissed my forehead and said, “I will see you again..”
Am I going to see him again? It hurts but I am glad I said it. Like what I said many times, friends with benefits: ready to get hurt by something you don’t even have in the first place….