Now Playing Tracks

Oh Asians…

Just because I am asian, it doesn’t mean I know any of martial arts. I like when people stereotyping asian. These are some of the lists:
- You know kung fu? (Yeah I wish)
- You love sushi! (Eh, it is alright..)
- You must be sooo smart (I have decent job from my degree, thank you)
- You massage really good huh? ( my ex said so, but I don’t do it for living)
- I don’t mind small boobs (before met - what the hell, he had no idea how uncomfortable I was growing up with bigger boobs than other asians)

That’s what I could think so far… Feel free to add more.

Date #2: Let’s watch a movie tonight.

I don’t want to explain date #2 much simply because we met, he looks nice, good looking but there is not much of sparks. I kinda lost interest the first half hour of meeting, he was just dreaming about having a girlfriend and whenever he said a gf, he pointed at me.

He wanted me to go to his house and “hang out and watch movie”. Dude, I am not stupid, I know that term. So I said no….

He asked me out after we got out from coffee shop. I said I want to take it really slow. The next day he asked me out. I said I had plans. He said, “looking for a better one?”. I didn’t answer…

Date #1: Bad Boy

This guy is the one texting me a lot about how we should sleep together asap (look on previous post). He just totally sweet talk all the way, I thought oh my gosh I am not get used to with sweet talk like this. I am weak with this: sweet talk, affectionate person

It was 2 AM and we walked out of the club. We went inside to my car, we talked for a while. He asked for a kiss, shouldn’t he just go for it? We kissed and made out, the windshield got steamy. We talked more and kissed more. “I have to stop…”, I thought.

He asked me to drop him off since he walked to the club, I gladly dropped him off. He wanted me to come inside, I could have say yes but I like him so I don’t want this to be one night stand so I said we should hang out again. He agreed and we made out again for few minutes. I left.

The next few days he texted me non stop about how he can’t wait to see me naked, I said “maybe”. Then he kinda pissed and said, “it is yes or no, not maybe”. I said, ” I want to take this slow”. He didn’t answer my text.

The next day, I had this urge want to see him and just screw the hell out of my feeling. I need to release my tension, so I texted him and said I want him to come over to my house.

Shockingly, he wanted me to pick him up and go to my house. I asked why, his answer was: I have a roommate, I had DUI, and I don’t own a car. And apparently he is high on drugs!

BAMM!! I was just reading his text over and over. I refused to pick him up and moved on to the next guy.

Few days later, he texted me and said he is getting a car. I told him that I am super super attracted to you but I don’t see this for long term and I don’t want to mess around again. He got upset and never text me since…..

Uh huh??
Went out to the club on Saturday night. wangerlust told me just to have a fun night. So I did -thanks dear. Some guys approached me but nothing really stands out, what a shallow mind I have….

Get bored while waiting for my friends, I checked my POF. I didn’t plan to meet a guy from POF but I messaged one of them said I am at H Bar, boom he was on the way wanted to see me.

I finally met him. He is HOT, his eyes just hypnotic, he is tall, atheltic and look younger than me even though he is 5 years older than me.

We text non stop since then, I can’t envision myself and him in the future due to his habits and he is a bad boy type. So we will see how this thing going.

He left me….

Friday morning, I was all excited that I will have a date / staycation with Leo. My kid is with grandma, I prepared everything since Wednesday, clean the house and all. I kept thinking I should cook something for him, I was going to get wine.

Until I sat down on my office, and I saw one email from him with subject: Changes.

I thought, darn he might can’t do it this week because he has been helping his mom’s house alot. I opened his email nervously…

Dear (…), - he doesn’t use my pet name anymore. He typed my real name and I knew something bad is happening.

Then he explained he regretfully said he had to cancel the date and stayover. He plainly told me he reconnected with his ex girlfriend for 4 years since Monday. They broke up 2 years ago and she moved out of state. This girl is planning to move back to this state and they feel they want to try this relationship one more try. He and her almost married and he believed that she is the love of his life. He wants to reserve his heart until she moves back here. Then he told me not to keep in touch with him, because it might complicated things (his feelings of course). He told me that I hope I could understand. He told me I am a great lady, he trully enjoyed our time we spent together and wish me all the best of course.

I was reading that in shock, oh his ex is moving back here so let’s just dump this girl. My whole day turned upside down. I blasted my music in the car to make the song louder than my thoughts.. I don’t want to think about it, I decided my revenge is by activate my PoF profile. See if that could help me to ease my mind. Within half hour, my inbox filled up. I have no idea if there is no girls out there that look appropriate (pof in this town usually just for hook ups so the girls profile dress up like I am ready to be on your bed now).

So anyway, I went to concert but didn’t enjoy it at all. We know how loud the concert music is, but I heard mumbled in my ears, his face and our memories flashed in my mind. The way he hugs me, he holds me and he nurtures me.

I got home yesterday still didn’t hit me. This morning, I tried to play myself think I should feel better…. I watched a video, why on hell I am thinking him and his girl ? Shit…
I pushed my iPad away and cried. It finally hit me, again all memories flashed through my mind. It is 10 am and I still don’t want to go out of the bed. I never thought I would be this sad. We both AWARE we are not meant together, we were in just to make each other happy and fun. What we had is great, we never had problems or argued.

I don’t know how to feel, I don’t know what to feel. I didn’t dream about me and him for the rest of my life, wedding and such. But I feel so sad…


I keep listening to Jason Walker’s song : Down

"I shot for the sky
I’m stuck on the ground
So why do I try, I know I’m gonna fall down
I thought I could fly, so why did I drown?
Never know why it’s coming down, down, down.”

This song fits for friend with benefits situation. Yeah, apparently FWB leads to broken heart even though we know we are gonna fall down. Why do I even try?

To Tumblr, Love Pixel Union